How to Photograph a Puppy

Remove film from box and load camera.
Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
Choose suitable background for photo.
Mount camera on tripod and focus.
Find puppy and take dirty sock out of the mouth.
Place puppy in prefocused spot and return to camera.
Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with the other hand.
Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
Put magazines back on coffee table.
Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
Jump up in time to grab puppy by the scruff of the neck and say "No..outside!"
Call someone to help clean up the mess.
Sit back in chair for deep breathing and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" first thing next morning.